


Chasing Cars

by orphan_account



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Death, M/M, Sad, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-21
Updated: 2015-04-21
Packaged: 2018-03-25 04:01:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3795940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Six months after Aaron's suicide, Mark uploads a cover of a song, from him to Aaron.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chasing Cars

**Author's Note:**

> Warning, this is so sad. I cried while writing this, so be prepared.

I position myself in front of the camera. I know this is going to be hard for me, I mean, I’m singing about a dead friend, a dead friend that I wanted to be more than friends with, and he’s gone. The thought stings my eyes with tears and I try frantically to blink them away. God, I miss him with all of my heart. I make sure the music is set up for me to sing along to, and I sigh in relief when it’s all set up.

With shaky hands, I turn on the camera. The blinker blinks with red, signaling that it’s recording. I smile into the camera and I don’t bother to do my intro. I just start the music and listen to its sorrowful intro. The piano echoes around my recording area and it feels stale, but I soon melt into the music as I start singing.

“We’ll do it all, everything, on our own.” 

“We don’t need, anything, or anyone.”

I stifle a sniffle as I steady the heart felt song.

“If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?”

“Forget what we’re told, before we get too old, show me a garden that’s bursting into life.”

The lyrics hit me hard, but I completely ignore the feeling of my heart shattering inside of me. A single tear rolls down my rosy cheeks as I continue with the song.

“Let’s waste time, chasing cars, around our heads.”

“I need your grace, to remind me, to find my own.”

As I sing this, I think of him, comforting me through my father’s death, laughing with me at PAX, the drunken kisses only between him and I. The fact that those are only memories, that they will never happen again hurts me. It tears me apart and I can’t stand it, but I manage to go further into the song.

“If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?”

“Forget what we’re told, before we get too old, show me a garden that’s bursting into life.”

I feel the song intensify as I sing my favorite part of the song. It resembles him, it resembled us.

“All that I am, all that I ever was, is here in your perfect eyes, they’re all I can see.”

“I don’t know where, confused about how as well, just know that these things will never change for us at all.”

The climax of the song dies down as I sing the calm ending.

“If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?”

I wait for the instrumental to end before I turn off my camera without another word. I let the tears fall that I was forced to hold in as I sang for him. I feel myself explode with guilt and sadness. What if I could’ve saved him? What if I could’ve done something to prevent this from happening? All of the “what ifs” boggle my mind.

I let the tears fall as I edit the video, putting a little “RIP Aaron Ash” sequence at the end. I wait for it to load up onto my youtube account and wait for the heartbreaking comments to rally in.

-

An hour passes, and I already have 35,000 comments on the video. Most of them being like,

“OMG MARK WHY DID YOU EVEN”

“Awww Mark, this is so sweet <3”

“Holy shit, Mark you’re such a good singer.”

I smile at the comments but scowl at the ones like these,

“Haha you cant even sing fucker”

“yami was a fucking fag anyways”

“i watch you for gaming content not crappy cliched covers”

I try to ignore those though, and focus on the positive ones. I force a smile onto my face and sigh. I hope Aaron is watching me from above, and if he isn’t, he knows pretty damn well that I would watch over him every second of every day if I was dead.


End file.
